Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
