dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
