We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
