Michael Bay diarrhea
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
