I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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