K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
