You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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