I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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