I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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