I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
