five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
