I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
