I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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