home. puking in laundry basket.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
