i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
