can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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