so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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