They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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