I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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