Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
