My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
