his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
NoShamevember. You game?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Bring me that man meat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
