Redeem this text for a blowjob
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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