I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
