he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
