why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
