I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
