So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The adults are the big ones right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
