I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize