if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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