Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
