I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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