why didn't you poke me back
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
