he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You took a bar mat shot.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
