So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
