I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have feelings that need drinking.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
