Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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