How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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