So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
