the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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