My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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