I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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