I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
