i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
