Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
