In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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