Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
