chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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