Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
