Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think people are normalizing furries
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