explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize