im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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