Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
