He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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