she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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