It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
