Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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