Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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