I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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