LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
