just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
