I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm always down for nudity.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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