I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
