i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
