Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
