In the future we'll all be gay
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
